Off-Topic Anniversary etiquette

wishiwasinhawaii · 04-29-16, 03:07 PM

I'm sorry this is way off-topic for a forum on exercise, but I don't know who else to ask and my friends and the Internet are giving me conflicting advice and VF always has the best advice on all topics!

My SIL's parents are celebrating their 50th anniversary this weekend and are having a party at a restaurant. I was not invited and have no idea why because I normally do get invited to these types of events. I'm wondering if I should send them a card or do nothing and just ignore the whole thing. I personally believe if you aren't invited to an event, you have no obligation to do anything, but just wondering what others would do. I do (or thought I did) have a good relationship with them. TIA.

Chomper · 04-29-16, 03:14 PM

No obligation whatsoever. If you see them in person, wish them a happy anniversary, that's it.

I'm an old Miss Manners junkie, so you can take my opinion as one informed by the old conventional rules.

ETA: if you normally send a card and want to send a card, send a card! But don't feel like you have to or aren't allowed to. Just do what you want.

yogapam · 04-29-16, 03:20 PM

I agree, it's totally up to you. Send a card if that's what you would normally do, or not. I am a big believer in going paperless so I send a lot of ecards for birthdays and anniversaries.

Joni O · 04-29-16, 05:08 PM

You don't have an obligation to do anything, but do whatever you want to. Don't let the lack of an invitation keep you from congratulating people you care about. You don't know what's driving the invitation list.

mtnmom · 04-29-16, 05:15 PM

If you sent a card for their 49th, then send a card for their 50th. Otherwise, I wouldn't bother. Wish them a happy anniversary if you see them though.

Jo FitFan · 04-29-16, 05:21 PM

Sorry for your dilemma. I'd keep it positive and light, and send a card. It never hurts to send someone good wishes.
All the best

Nuggie's Auntie · 04-29-16, 05:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Joni O

You don't have an obligation to do anything, but do whatever you want to. Don't let the lack of an invitation keep you from congratulating people you care about. You don't know what's driving the invitation list.

I agree with Joni. If you are inclined to send a card, that is a very gracious thing to do and I'm sure they'd appreciate it. Marriages go through a lot of ups and downs, and a 50th anniversary is a big deal! I'm sure they'd be really touched if you acknowledged that.

wishiwasinhawaii · 04-29-16, 05:56 PM

Thanks everyone for your thoughts on this topic. As Joni O said, I don't know what drove their decision, so I shouldn't make assumptions. I think I'll take the high road and send a card. Thanks again, I really appreciate it!

Usia · 04-29-16, 06:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wishiwasinhawaii

Thanks everyone for your thoughts on this topic. As Joni O said, I don't know what drove their decision, so I shouldn't make assumptions. I think I'll take the high road and send a card. Thanks again, I really appreciate it!

Couple of years ago, I got this beautiful voicemail on my cell phone from a woman who thought she was calling her husband's aunt, inviting her to a Thanksgiving dinner. Clearly the person who called thought they left the voicemail on the aunts' phone. I briefly considered ignoring the voicemail, but then I thought about the aunt who wouldn't get the message and would miss Thanksgiving with the family and all hurt feeling that could result from that. I've decided to call back the woman - total stranger - and tell her that she left the message on the wrong phone. I can't tell you how appreciative she was that I bothered to call her back and tell her about the mistake. Believe it or not, she called me an angel.

I don't know how your SIL parents issued the invitations to their anniversary dinner, but there can be innocent explanations why you didn't get the invite.

PrairieGem · 04-29-16, 07:38 PM

...And in an embarrassing situation similar to Dana's, my husband and I totally forgot to invite one of his first cousins to our wedding. No one ever mentioned it to us until well after the fact. I didn't know the man, but I was mortified, and I wondered why someone didn't speak up about it! Obviously they wouldn't ask me (they didn't know me), but I wish someone would have whispered something to my MIL, for instance. Since we had invited his brother and all his sisters, it ought to have been clear it was an oversight (and mail DOES get misdelivered), and not simply a matter of budget or some mysterious random dislike we had taken to this person. But no one ever did speak up, and to this day I'm sure we're talked about for it!

I realize that "why wasn't I invited" wasn't the thrust of your question here, and that shows what a lovely person you are! I certainly think wishing them a happy anniversary would be a wonderful gesture, if you're inclined to do so.

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04-29-16, 03:07 PM
wishiwasinhawaii Join Date: Oct 2013 Location: NJ	Anniversary etiquette I'm sorry this is way off-topic for a forum on exercise, but I don't know who else to ask and my friends and the Internet are giving me conflicting advice and VF always has the best advice on all topics! My SIL's parents are celebrating their 50th anniversary this weekend and are having a party at a restaurant. I was not invited and have no idea why because I normally do get invited to these types of events. I'm wondering if I should send them a card or do nothing and just ignore the whole thing. I personally believe if you aren't invited to an event, you have no obligation to do anything, but just wondering what others would do. I do (or thought I did) have a good relationship with them. TIA.

04-29-16, 03:14 PM
Chomper Join Date: Nov 2010	No obligation whatsoever. If you see them in person, wish them a happy anniversary, that's it. I'm an old Miss Manners junkie, so you can take my opinion as one informed by the old conventional rules. ETA: if you normally send a card and want to send a card, send a card! But don't feel like you have to or aren't allowed to. Just do what you want.

04-29-16, 03:20 PM
yogapam VF Supporter Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: West coast of Canada, eh. ;)	I agree, it's totally up to you. Send a card if that's what you would normally do, or not. I am a big believer in going paperless so I send a lot of ecards for birthdays and anniversaries. __________________ **~Pam~** Certified Level 4 Essentrics Instructor - March 2021 Hatha YTT - 2011 Your body keeps an accurate journal regardless of what you write down..... "Take care of your body. It's the only place you have to live." Jim Rohn "It’s not what we do once in a while that shapes our lives, but what we do consistently.” - Tony Robbins Check out my Instagram account, @fitness.ficti0n.inspirati0n

04-29-16, 05:08 PM
Joni O VF Supporter Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: Twin Cities, MN	You don't have an obligation to do anything, but do whatever you want to. Don't let the lack of an invitation keep you from congratulating people you care about. You don't know what's driving the invitation list.

04-29-16, 05:15 PM
mtnmom Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Santa Cruz Mtns, CA	If you sent a card for their 49th, then send a card for their 50th. Otherwise, I wouldn't bother. Wish them a happy anniversary if you see them though. __________________ ~~Diane~~

04-29-16, 05:21 PM
Jo FitFan VF Supporter Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: New York State	Sorry for your dilemma. I'd keep it positive and light, and send a card. It never hurts to send someone good wishes. All the best

04-29-16, 05:56 PM
wishiwasinhawaii Join Date: Oct 2013 Location: NJ	Thanks everyone for your thoughts on this topic. As Joni O said, I don't know what drove their decision, so I shouldn't make assumptions. I think I'll take the high road and send a card. Thanks again, I really appreciate it!

04-29-16, 07:38 PM
PrairieGem Join Date: Jan 2013	...And in an embarrassing situation similar to Dana's, my husband and I totally forgot to invite one of his first cousins to our wedding. No one ever mentioned it to us until well after the fact. I didn't know the man, but I was mortified, and I wondered why someone didn't speak up about it! Obviously they wouldn't ask me (they didn't know me), but I wish someone would have whispered something to my MIL, for instance. Since we had invited his brother and all his sisters, it ought to have been clear it was an oversight (and mail DOES get misdelivered), and not simply a matter of budget or some mysterious random dislike we had taken to this person. But no one ever did speak up, and to this day I'm sure we're talked about for it! I realize that "why wasn't I invited" wasn't the thrust of your question here, and that shows what a lovely person you are! I certainly think wishing them a happy anniversary would be a wonderful gesture, if you're inclined to do so. __________________ ~Gem *Dux femina facti*