Article Link "How your family shapes your body image" [BBC Future]

[hch]

How your family shapes your body image

Other research on children aged seven to eight has shown that mothers' comments about weight and body size have been linked to a disordered eating behaviour among their children. Similarly, girls "whose mothers, fathers, and friends encouraged them to lose weight and be lean" were more likely to endorse negative beliefs about others' weight, known as "fat stereotypes". This is especially alarming given the rise in weight-related stigmatisation and bullying.

One reason the effect is stronger for girls could be because, from an early age, girls and boys are socialised differently. Girls are often told that their social value lies in how attractive they are, says Rodgers. "That their bodies are made to be looked at, they are supposed to be contained, docile and not take up too much space," she says. "Boys are socialised to understand that their bodies are functional, that they're strong, which is a very different message."

Given how all-pervasive these messages are, what can parents do to counter them and instead nurture a more generous, positive and empowering body image?

First, as the evidence shows, the way adults talk about bodies around children matters. "We would encourage parents or educators not to make comments about body image, even if they're positive," McLean says.

Instead, parents should focus on what the children enjoy doing and are interested in, placing "more value on who they are and their special skills and talents and less focus on what they look like", says Damiano. This helps children get a sense of satisfaction and self-worth that's not tied to their appearance. It may also mean working on our own self-perception and self-esteem, given that the research shows how easy it is to transmit our insecurities.

I'll never casually forget a story shared on VF nearly 20 years ago. Someone mentioned, almost in passing, her parents' removing her from a competitive sports program because a part of her body was supposedly getting too big--and not because she was supposedly "too fat" but because she became what certain people would call "not lean enough," not "contained," "taking up too much space." The poster even seemed to agree at least implicitly with her parents' decision, and this discussion was in a thread where the majority of posters didn't seem to object to what her parents had done.

I asked her some questions about her situation, including if her parents would've treated her the same if she were a boy experiencing similar body changes. She was miffed and the questions "off-topic," but I'm just not much of an off-topic person and wouldn't have asked the questions if I considered them off-topic. The member hasn't posted in years, but if she's reading this post: the first paragraph quoted in this block shows why I always considered that question relevant.

Family support makes a difference

Damiano also recommends parents avoid talking about weight or constantly telling children to eat healthier foods. "The more we focus on higher weight as being a problem, or certain foods as being 'bad', the more guilt, shame, and body dissatisfaction children are likely to feel."

Instead, parents can talk about exercise as being important for general health and wellbeing, rather than a way to lose weight.

Although VF rules have never been as sweeping as I would've liked, I've always appreciated that VF is different:

from VF's "Complete Community Guidelines":

Video Fitness prefers to focus on exercise for health and improved self esteem. Though many VF readers are trying to lose weight, we feel that keeping the focus on exercise and performance goals, rather than on diet or weight loss goals, is the best way to help our community members achieve success and stick to their workout programs.

Though VFers discuss every aspect of their videos and video instructors, we ask that posters stay away from criticism of a particular instructor's (or cast member's) physique or other qualities that have no bearing on the quality of the workout. Everyone has their own definition of physical beauty, and fit women and men come in all shapes and sizes. Such criticism undermines the inclusiveness of this Forum.

[Gams]

I went to a wedding once and saw a woman sitting near me wearing a corsage. I didn’t recognize her and asked someone if she was related to the bride or groom. I was told, “That’s the bride’s sister. She was supposed to be the maid of honor, but she didn’t lose the weight the bride asked her to, so the bride got someone else to be maid of honor.”

[fatkat555]

Originally Posted by Gams

I went to a wedding once and saw a woman sitting near me wearing a corsage. I didn’t recognize her and asked someone if she was related to the bride or groom. I was told, “That’s the bride’s sister. She was supposed to be the maid of honor, but she didn’t lose the weight the bride asked her to, so the bride got someone else to be maid of honor.”

That’s so awful! Definitely a Bridezilla moment.

[Juliepie]

My aunt used to call me "Chunky," after the candy bar. It didn't do too much for my self-esteem.

[prettyinpink]

Edited

[cataddict]

Well. I think many factors shape our body image---family, friends, advertising, television and print media, etc. There is no one “demon” to blame for poor body image or low self esteem. It seems that this study is attempting to “prove” what many of us already know by experience.

Juliepie, ouch, I’m sure that nickname stung—nope, not cute, funny, or useful, just mean. Those carelessly cruel comments made to us in our formative years stick with us. Hugs!

Gams, maybe the sister committed to losing weight (rather than telling her to pound sand, which would have been my response) and the bride ordered a dress for her in a size that didn’t fit and couldn’t be altered? NO, I’m NOT excusing the bride, but it might not be as horrible as it seems but rather economics??? I’m only speculating, of course, it’s hard to imagine someone being that heartless to a sister? However, I’ve heard of brides choosing their attendants based on how they will look in pictures and in the ceremony—how hard it would be to do this to a sibling! Ugh.

[Jane P.]

There was weight emphasis in my family. My older brother had a weight problem himself, and I think he wanted to spare me that, but he only made things worse. My Mom was in on it too. She was thin and wanted a thin daughter.

[cataddict]

My mother was obese while I was growing up. My grandparents (her in-laws) were cruel to her about it—sent her coupons and diet plans and the like touting weight loss “tricks.” I came upon my mother crying one day at something my grandfather sent to her to the effect that she could really benefit from this plan, implying she wasn’t “good enough” as she was. I don’t think it was intentionally malicious on his part, but does that matter if someone offers unwanted “advice”? My parents didn’t stress weight with me (and I was “chunky” to use juliepie's word), but I witnessed that emphasis as a “bystander.” So sad.

[Erica H.]

I honestly can't remember a time when my mom wasn't watching/controlling my body size/food/weight. She struggled with her own weight and wanted me to be thin. She made it clear to me that my self-worth was based on my size. We'd go on crash diets together when I was very young and then binge from the restriction. She told me that people would look down on me if I was heavy. She took me to Weight Watchers meetings when I was young, put me on Nutrisystem, rewarded me for weight loss, told me family members wouldn't accept me if I was heavy, etc. I look back at the few photos I have of myself as a kid and...I wasn't even fat. I wasn't super lean like the other girls, but I just had a different body type.

I was also called Orca (like the whale) instead of Erica. There were other things too that are too private for a public forum.

Erica

[Gams]

When I was little, I remember my grandma telling me I was “pleasantly plump”.