My "article" on vidiocy

[Raquel13]

My friends and I started a sort of writing group and one of my first "articles" was a piece extolling the joys of vidiocy. I just wanted to share it with you guys, too. (And yes, I did plug VF).

vidiocy

I'm about to expose the extent of my dorkiness, but that's OK. Anyone who knows me well enough is aware that I have myriad quirks and an impulsive drive to amass all kinds of things. Anything I have, I have a [crap]load of (for evidence, check out my library, my closet... or my Lego collection). My current obsession is... OK, here goes... fitness videos.

It didn't start in full force until about a year ago, but the seed was planted in my high school shoplifting frenzy days (don't worry, it was just a phase). My partners in crime and I jacked so much stuff, it became ridiculous. We would steal the most unnecessary things, like shaving cream and clothes hangers (I have tons of "What was I thinking?!?" moments; this is just one of them). One day, while on one such gaffling spree, I stuffed a Cindy Crawford workout video down my pants, took it home, used it a few times and then forgot about it.

OK, fast forward to a couple of years ago. My grandmother, who is exceptionally strong and agile for an 80+ year old woman but is slipping into dementia, bluntly asked me (with a smile), "How did it feel to get so fat? I've never been fat." Of course I knew my jeans weren't fitting me anymore, but I still felt a sort of shock to let myself realize how much weight I had gained. I decided to start working out. I hate gyms... the thought of other people's sweat grosses me out (yeah, I know people wipe the machines down after they use them, but just because they're dry doesn't mean they're not crawling with bacteria), plus I need privacy... so exercising at home seemed like a great idea. I busted out my Cindy Crawford tape, but quickly got bored doing the same workout over and over. I went online to see if I could find reviews on other videos and found videofitness.com. From there, I discovered a whole universe of fitness videos and let my impulsive shopping habits take over.

I've slowed down a lot recently, but for a while, my credit card was smoking from all the videos I ordered online. I currently own nearly 300 workouts on video and DVD (almost half of which I've never done). I also own a Reebok Step (which doubles very nicely as a weight bench), a set of dumbbells ranging from 3 to 12 pounds plus adjustable dumbbell handles, a barbell, a pile of weight plates, resistance tubing, strap-on ankle weights, a jump rope, a yoga mat, yoga blocks and yoga strap, a 13" Rubbermaid toolbox (which I use instead of the FIRM Fannylifter... oh, you know what a Fannylifter is don't you? Haven't you seen the infomercial?), a Rubbermaid garment rack ($20 at Walmart, as opposed to $200 for a real ballet barre), a Pilates ring, two medicine balls, a stability ball, a heart rate monitor, interlocking anti-fatigue mats (so I can pivot without torquing my knees), a rebounder (fancy name for a mini-trampoline), and a BOSU (don't ask).

I know that workout videos have a goofy image. You're probably envisioning Jane Fonda bouncing around barefoot in a shimmery day-glo leotard. But before you scoff, let me just say that videos have come a long way. Yeah, I have aerobic videos, but they're no different than joining a step class (even better, I have the option of rewinding if I get stuck on a move). I also have weightlifting videos that are pretty hardcore... I don't think that Jane Fonda ever curled a 45-pound bar in her videos. Plus I have tons of variety. I can do Pilates one day, powerlift the next day, and do yoga another day. Working out with videos is fun, versatile, convenient and effective... I managed to work my size 11 ass down to a size 7 (7 in jeans, 5 in a skirt, actually) without stepping a foot into a gym. It works for me. I don't think I would've gotten enthusiastic about fitness any other way.

If I've piqued your interest at all, check out www.videofitness.com. They have reviews, a forum, and plenty of advice on working out with videos.

And here's a fun recommendation: Old School Dance Party by Donna Richardson. It features live music by The Sugarhill Gang (yes, they are actually performing songs like "Rapper's Delight" and "White Lines" on a stage behind the exercisers) and the choreography goes back to my junior high days (remember the running man, the troop??? I could go on and on).

So there. Call me a dork if you want... I prefer "vidiot."